Portrait of an Artist as a Weird Man: Special Father’s Day Edition

Happy Father’s Day to all those out there who signed up for this wild ride known as parenthood. Here are some highlights from my sons’ greetings.

This is a cut out that Hayden (7) made for me. Perhaps he found a picture of me from the eighties wearing my parachute pants. That’s a microphone in my hand–the kid knows I have a big mouth and love being the center of attention.

photo (26)

In his card to me, he wrote how my favorite thing to do in the world is “play with him,” and my favorite place to eat is McDonald’s (btw, I haven’t eaten fast food in years, but I know someone who loves to go there:).

And here is a picture Owen (8) made for me. I think it is the most frightening rendition I’ve ever seen of myself. I look part chicken, part zombie, and 100% creeper.

photo (27)

It is part of a school scene he drew, since I am a teacher. The drawing looks like it could be a public service announcement for stranger danger.

photo (28)

Owen’s card for me featured a series of fill-in statements (his responses are in italics). My favorites include: My dad can do many things! I think he’s best at…laughing, because he sounds like the Joker from Batman when he laughs, and My dad is as handsome as a…monkey, because he has so [many] hair but none on his head.

So, to all of you dads, grand dads, dads-to-be, and anyone who is a father figure, I hope you find some time to reflect on the difference you make in the life of others. I know this monkey enjoyed the time spent with his boys.



Siri can you hear me?

My wife got a new Iphone this weekend, and it’s the first time we have Siri. The boys have been so enthralled with her, and they keep wanting to chat her up. Hayden (6) has been especially taken by this modern-day muse. Poor guy can’t really say his “r’s” yet, so he and Siri get a little frustrated as there are quite a few failed attempts. But it has provided us with some comic relief as we bunker down for Hurricane Sandy. The following are Hayden’s top 5 inquiries for Siri:

1. When is my birthday?

2. Where are all of the McDonald’s in the world?

3. Where is Easter Island?*

4. Why are my mom and dad such Kooks?

5. How did God come to life? **

*When I asked Hayden how he knew there was a place called Easter Island, his brother Owen piped in, “Dad, you don’t know everything about us.” Point taken, smart alec.

**From the time he was three, Hayden has been somewhat obsessed with this last question. He wants to know how everything comes to life. When we tried the old stand-by answer, “God”, we thought we were in the clear. Not so. Now, he insists on asking us how God came to life.  God, a little help here. Siri’s response: “I eschew theological disquisition.” Smart cookie to stay away from that one!

Siri, how cute is this little guy?